Comic Relief #5: Cycles

Mike, Ben, and Chan are watching a movie at Mike’s place. Chan has finished his bacon and left behind a greasy plate on the coffee table.

The movie ends.

Chan: Well, I’m starving. Who wants to hit the bar?

Ben: I’m down for that.

Mike: Um…

Ben: Mike? Why do you hesitate?

FLASHBACK

Mike is at the bar, in conversation with a woman. He extends his hand.

Mike: I’m Mike, by the way.

Chan insinuates himself and throws an arm over Mike’s shoulder.

Chan: Mike’s the best! Hope you don’t mind how much he watches hentai!

Mike: I… I don’t watch hentai. Not as much as you’d think.

The woman removes herself.

Chan: Aw, Mike. I guess it wasn’t meant to be.

ANOTHER FLASHBACK

Mike is at the bar, sitting with Chan.

Chan: You know what you’re problem is, Mike? You have a crippling fear of failure. You’re what men call other men a “pussy.”

Mike: I wish you wouldn’t use that word?

Chan: Word? What word? PUSSY?

The people immediately surrounding them go silent.

Chan: What’s wrong with that word? It’s what you are, isn’t it?

ANOTHER FLASHBACK

Mike and Chan are at the bar.

Chan: Hey, Mike, remember the time you pissed yourself when I had you in that wrestling hold? The Sharpshooter?

Mike stares down his glass.

Chan: Mike? What’s up? You’re awfully quiet.

Mike: Chan, I appreciate that you care about me and are always trying to encourage me to step out of my comfort zone, but can’t you think of a better way to do it than publicly humiliating and emasculating me?

Chan: What are you talking about? It’s funny, isn’t it?

Mike: It depends, I guess.

Chan: Yeah? Well, what about all those stories you write? Where does all the humor come from? It comes from you—I’m sorry, your “character”—being constantly humiliated and shamed.

Mike: Yeah, well… It’s actually not very fun. For him.

Chan: What do you want me to do about it? I’m out here having a good time with my friends. You’re the one who decided to be upset. That’s on you.

Chan gulps down his beer.

Chan: I bet you’re gonna make me out to be a villain in one of your stories. You encourage us to laugh at how non-manly you are, but the moment something upsets you in real life, the moment these traits are no longer convenient fodder for cheesy stories, you want some empathy. So let me ask you this—are we supposed to be laughing at you, or sympathizing with you? Are you writing a comedy, or a tragedy?

Mike: I’m not a character in a story.

Chan: But aren’t you, though? Aren’t you just taking your own qualities, magnifying them, and holding them up for scrutiny? Aren’t you inviting people not just to judge your stories and characters, but to judge yourself? And if you can’t handle that, how could you possibly make it as a writer? Except you haven’t made it, have you? You’ve already given up on those dreams. That’s why you’re writing garbage blog stories instead of a book or a movie.

THE PRESENT

Ben: Mike? You still with us?

Mike blinks.

Mike: Yeah. A bar sounds great.