There is a knock on the door. Mike and Ben look away from their movie.
Ben: You expecting someone?
Silence.
Ben: You are granted permission to speak.
Mike: No, I’m not.
Another knock.
Mike: Should I… answer it?
Ben shrugs.
Ben: It’s your house.
Mike stands and goes to the door. He looks through the peephole.
Mike: Hey! It’s our good friend Chan!
Mike opens the door.
Chan: How’s it going, you fucking J...
Chan freezes. He clears his throat.
Chan: Let me try that again. How’s it going you… you fucking…
Mike: What’s the matter?
Chan: Nothing. I’m just trying to say that thing I said back then. The thing that made everybody laugh.
Ben: Your catchphrase.
Chan: I wouldn’t call it my catchphrase. It was just this thing I said this one time, and then several times after that. Give me a second. I can do this.
Chan takes a deep breath.
Chan: How’s it going, you fucking J… J… jerks!
Mike and Ben glance at each other, then at Chan.
Mike: Was that what you used to say back then? Because I have to say, it’s not as funny now.
Chan: I couldn’t say it. I guess I’m not the same guy I was back then. God, I’m depressed.
Mike: You wanna come in and watch a movie that reveres toxic masculinity?
Chan: Are there guns?
Mike: So many guns.
Chan: That does sound pretty cool.
Chan enters. We now see he carries a large plate of bacon.
Mike: Oh. That explains why you smell so good.
Ben is suspicious.
Ben: Hey, what were you going to do with that?
Chan: I dunno. At first I thought it would be really funny if I threw bacon at you guys. But that’s the old me, I guess. Now I just wanna hang out with you guys. And eat bacon.
Mike: That actually sounds like a great idea.
They sit down on the couch, Chan in the middle, the plate of bacon sitting on the coffee table in front of them. The coffee table literally did not exist until the words were typed. But now you must accept the lie that it was there the whole time. Because that’s how writing works.
Chan: So what’s this movie about?
Ben: The hero’s family was killed—
Chan: So he buys a gun and goes on a killing spree?
Ben: Yep.
Chan: Sounds like quality entertainment.
Mike and Ben reach for some bacon.
Chan: No. Mine.
Ben: (muttering) Stupid patriarchy.
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